Updated: Jul 21, 2020
As you are aware, dating comes with its ups and downs. Sometimes it can be tough to know at the beginning of dating someone, if they will make good long-term partners. Who am I kidding? Sometimes it can take years for some of us to figure that out!
In Chapter 7 of Ken Page's Deeper Dating, he takes us through the seven skills that allow you to "lead with your gifts" when dating. Why is this important? Because it'll help you in more easily identifying what partners will love and accept you for WHO you are and the gifts that you have to offer.
Katrina Marie and I have been reviewing Ken's book together and sharing our learnings on my podcast the You Relationship. Katrina is a body sex facilitator and sex coach, while I am a Women's Heart Guide. Did I mention that we are also close friends and both single and divorced? We use our time together with the intention of improving our dating experiences and garnering our professional knowledge to help others feel supported in their dating journeys.
Want to know what the seven skills of deeper dating are that Ken shares in his book? You can find them below! Katrina and I go into more detail and thoughtful dialogue around them in the episode.
1. Be kind, generous, and thoughtful
Showing your kindness and generosity versus hiding it, will allow you to see how the person you are dating receives these loving actions. Do they cherish them? Do they reciprocate?
2. If you like him or her (adding in them for the non-binary), let it show
How often are we told to play "hard to get", to not show them how much we like them, out of the fear of being rejected. Ken encourages you to show them affection, to be authentic in how you feel. Research shows that showing someone you like them is the best way to turn a date into something serious.
3. Focus on the quality of your connection
This is an important one. Focus on the quality of your connection versus how they tally up on your scorecard. This allows you to shift out of your head and into your heart when dating. (As a Women's Heart Guide, I am ALL about this! Our heads will often lead us astray, but our hearts will share with us the truth.)
4. Practice bravery
This reinforces the importance of not only showing others how you feel, but taking action! When someone peaks your interest in public, do you make eye contact? Do you smile at them? When is the last time you complimented a potential love match? Don't worry if this one makes you nervous! I definitely am not one that feels comfortable eye gazing in public. Although, worth sharing, that my ex-husband was one of the first men I intentionally locked eyes with and smiled at, so it definitely works.
5. Discover the art of squinting
This one made me LOL. Ken often shares in his book about not dating the 9's and 10's, but going for the 5-7's. He shares in his earlier chapters that often the ones we are highly attracted to end up not going overly well because they are driven from superficiality. What this skill teaches is to not focus on the little things we don't like about the person, Katrina uses the example of polos in the episode, but feel into their overall essence.
6. Share things you're passionate about and ask the same of your date
Is there no better way to really get a sense of what someone is about? It will allow for a sparklier conversation. In the episode, Katrina and I share some questions you can ask to encourage passionate sharing from the person you are on a date with.
7. Become fiercely discriminating - about the things that matter most
In Deeper Dating, there is focus on determining what your Attractions of Inspiration are. Basically, what are the characteristics of a partner that compliment and elevate your gifts and true nature. If you recognize while dating someone that they are uninspiring to you or reject aspects of you, then do not compromise and walk away.
Please do note that the above and the podcast are our interpretations and understanding of Ken's book, but if you want to dive into his deep wisdom, get yourself the book! I highly recommend it!
In the podcast episode, we also cover off the following topics:
How being an Adult Child of an Alcoholic has affected my dating experiences and partner choices
The role of superficiality in dating
Lengthening or cutting the cord on relationships
Know that you are not alone in your dating woes! Tune into any one of the Deeper Dating chapters, you are likely to learn something new about dating, yourself and have a few laughs too.
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