Updated: Jul 29
Where to look - and what to do when you get there.
In "Deeper Dating" by Ken Page, he shares about the difficulty of entering the dating scene. How different it can look depending on your age. In chapter 8, "A Deeper Dating Guide to Finding Love", Ken Page shares the different ways in which you can find a relationship.
Looking for love through your connections. Ken encourages you to talk to the people in your life who appreciate and value you for who you are. This ranges from flat-out asking your friends, to going to their events, and using dating apps that connect you with friends of friends. (Facebook Dating is a great app to do so.)
Looking for love wherever you are. Be open! Love can find you anywhere. Make eye contact, smile at people who capture your attention. "When you're in your Gift Zone, anywhere you happen to be could be the place to find real love." "When we're feeling brave, and connected to our humanity, our chances of meeting someone special increases exponentially." It's about treating every opportunity one where love can blossom. Notice that when you go out in the world in this way, you move slower, are more attentive, notice more beauty around you. This has to do with the vibration you are existing in this world and allowing that right person to connect with you in that energy.
Non-dating events, groups, and gatherings. I often encourage my single clients to do the things that they love, like practicing yoga, going to workshops that interest them and going to events that excite them. When you are out doing what you love you are in a very different and open energy than intentionally going out with the pressure of meeting someone.
Dating events. Yes, Ken mentions dating events. He acknowledges that these can be disappointing, but to enter them with an open mind and heart. He encourages you to notice how you show up, what comes up for you and ask how you can show up more fully the next time. He also recommends choosing a variety of dating events to see what works best for you.
Online and mobile venues. Ken is sharing about dating apps. He recommends being as authentic as possible in your profile. Showing who you really are and not trying to appear a way that is more appealing. It's not about quantity, it's about quality. Better quality matches versus lots of them. He also discourages you from only swiping on the "hot" ones and going for those who's profiles appeal to you based on who they are and not exclusively what they look like. You can also check out niche dating apps that attract people who are more closely aligned to what you are looking for.
Bars, clubs and social events. If you're anything like me, when you think of bars and clubs, you may shudder. Since most people are drinking at these, they are not being their best selves, but nonetheless, you may find yourself at these and Ken offers some advice if you do go. Ken invites you to go into with the mentality of behaving differently than you normally would. Remember, if meeting people at bars hasn't worked for you in the past, different actions will deem different results. He also encourages you to take notice of who is interested in you and to be courageous and go up to people you feel drawn to. As part of this, both Ken and my advice is to stay away or reduce the alcohol consumption. Your radar won't be as strong and you want to be clear when you are exploring potential love matches.
Setting an intention. Ken talks about setting an intention before taking any of the steps mentioned above. Get clear on what you want without the pressure of needing to meet the one. I am a HUGE advocate of intention-setting, as it calls in the energy of how you want things to go and then allows you to act accordingly. Allow this to be a playful experience, so that you are not operating from a place of need or pressure, which will ultimately make it a lot less enjoyable. (I share more about how to have fun and make dating pleasurable here.)
If you would like to go deeper into this, then you can do the following:
Listen to Episode 15 of the Deeper Dating Series on the You Relationship podcast.
In this recent episode of my podcast, Katrina (a sex coach and educator), as well as myself (a Women's Heart Guide) go into this chapter and also cover the topics of:
Celebrating the no’s of dating and how they're getting you closer to your love match.
We explore an interaction Katrina had on the dating apps - please come back and tell me what you'd do in this situation!
Katrina shares the challenges of her profession in teaching masturbation and sharing that with those when dating.
We also go into the topic of obligatory sex, the difference between the masculine and feminine when it comes to sexually relating and the impact that resentment has on libido.
This is a juicy episode, to say the least!